Freedom of Forgiveness #62

Many people hold onto grudges for years.  They don’t realize that “unforgiveness” evaporates your joy, interferes with your prayer life, weakens your body and opens the door for the enemy to work in your life.  When you can overcome the obstacles to forgiveness you can finally free yourself from being emotionally bound to the other person.

In this episode of Finish Strong, you will learn what those obstacles are and discover the freedom, peace and happiness you gain when you let go of your resentment.  You will open yourself up to a future filled with unlimited possibilities when you finally do!

Learn what the Bible says about the dangers of “unforgiveness” and why you need to let it go NOW.  Remember, if you don’t forgive others then God can’t forgive you!

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Transcript

Terry Steen: 0:00

A teacher was looking at Dan, and Dan goes, Terry does. And the teacher Sure enough said Oh, Jerry, could you please reach here?

Dan Wheeler: 0:17

Terry did not have something prepared. You read then.

Terry Steen: 0:22

That was not good

Dan Wheeler: 0:24

before you forgive me. Can I just say I'm really sincerely?

Terry Steen: 0:31

Yeah, you really I can tell. You know, I was almost to the point of forgiving you been?

Dan Wheeler: 0:38

Breast I'm sorry, I

Brian Roland: 0:40

didn't forget it.

Dan Wheeler: 0:42

Brian is making me laugh. But I'm sincerely sorry,

Terry Steen: 0:46

Terry. That's better, and I don't believe you now.

John Matarazzo: 0:52

Live your life with purpose, change someone's life for the better and leave a lasting impact on those around you. Welcome to finish strong the podcast designed to help you discover your unique purpose and develop a plan to leave a powerful legacy. Dan, Bryan and Terry are ready. So let's get started.

Dan Wheeler: 1:09

Most of us are familiar with the saying, To err is human. But to forgive is divine. My name is Dan Wheeler and I'm joined by Brian Rowland and Terry Steen our producers John Matarazzo. Guys to forgive is not only divine, but God commands us to forgive.

Brian Roland: 1:31

Okay, I forgive you, Dan.

Dan Wheeler: 1:32

Oh, thanks. What did I do? I mean, really, it's not just it's not an option for Christians, right?

Terry Steen: 1:42

There's so many scriptures that talk about it, aren't there?

Dan Wheeler: 1:46

Yeah, I think Matthew 614 and 15 If we forgive others than God forgives us. But if we don't forgive others, then God will not forgive us. That's my paraphrase of those two verses. But Jesus said that he's like, if you don't forgive others, then you know, my father can't forgive you.

Terry Steen: 2:04

Yeah, he talked about it again. And Mark. So all of these guys that were writing the Bible, they heard him say it and they thought it was important enough to put into each of their own books because Mark 1125 and six says that, whenever and it goes further, that whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive them that the Father in Heaven may also forgive you. If you don't forgive, neither will your Father. Brian,

Dan Wheeler: 2:32

why do you think it's so hard for some of us to forgive? Have you ever had trouble forgiving someone?

Brian Roland: 2:39

Well, that's why I think it's so hard to forgive because a person's ego isn't has been tampered with. I think you're right. Nobody wants to be in the wrong or want to be on the other side of somebody thinking that they did wrong, or they're accusing them of something. And when when that happens, you know, this happens a lot in divorces man, you can these divorces, and these guys, you figure you guys really once loved each other. And they want to kill each other. And they're just going for blood and say, Hey, wait a minute, can't you forgive? That when I look at as for these people, is that something happened here. It's not working. And it's not of God. And somebody's not a right word supposed to be. And so you have to forgive that person. You have to let it go. And, you know, there's, there are three types of forgiveness, there's exoneration, there's forbearance, and there's release. And each one, you know, that applies to us in some way, every day. It's absolving the blame from somebody or it's to have intolerance and, and self control, or it's setting free, or just letting things go. And people can't do that. Nowadays, it seems like and they have to get back to the root. And that is in the Bible, that tells us that we have to forgive and that we're supposed to forgive. I see over and Luke 637 It says, Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. And it's simple as that. But I think a lot of it then goes back to person's pride and their ego gets hurt. And they will forgive.

Dan Wheeler: 4:15

Some people hold a grudge their whole life Terry and they the only one they're hurting is themselves. When you're holding a grudge you're not hurt the other person isn't being hurt by that.

Terry Steen: 4:27

Yeah, yeah, I've heard a saying that says unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die.

Dan Wheeler: 4:35

True. Yeah, it is. That's what it's like. But you know, guys I have two friends I went to high school with we were in Bible Quizzing together. These two guys are both Christians and something happened involving a woman one had been dating them. They broke up to the one started dating them and the other one felt like the other one was still flirting with her trying to get her back. It's been like 25 years, and I talked to both of them, I go, guys, this is ridiculous. You're gonna wake up one day regret it. I say, How would you feel if the other one died? And they just they keep saying, Well, I'm not ready. You know what, there's going to come a time one of them is going to pass. You know, they leave this the way it is, unforgiven. My goodness, how would you live with yourself?

Terry Steen: 5:23

Yeah, yeah, you know, as we were preparing for this, I was reading a scripture in my devotions that really made this thought click is that one thing we have to do as Christians is be proactive. As far as we don't want to get to the point where we're always needing to forget, yeah, I'm willing to forgive. Well, we need to be proactive. So we don't have to always forgive people. I was reading proverbs 1911. It said, A man's wisdom gives him patience. And it's his glory to overlook and offense. So we don't want to be offended all the time. And that's where it always comes in that book, John Bevere, wrote that great book, The Bait of Satan. And it's a whole book on trying to overcome that trying to not be offended. And Brian, like you say, prides the key. Pride is what we tend to get offended by that if we have too much pride, there's a lot of things that can offend us. And then it's easy to blame others for our problems. So it could be us. But we're so quick to blame and turn it around as somebody else, that then we become offended by him. And then we have to go through that whole forgiveness process. So I thought that was interesting.

Dan Wheeler: 6:48

Ryan, he's actually saying that you were right there about the pride thing. And you are because you know, that's one of the obstacles, let's talk about the obstacles to forgiveness. That is one of them pride. You know, the other one is you have to release the guilt of your unforgiveness that you've held that, yeah, you have to release the part of you that wants to stay the victim, you know, some people like that feeling of oh, you know, they just hurt me, they crushed me what was me, it's not my fault. That's all, you know, people are always blaming everybody else. But these are some of the obstacles to forgiveness. And

Brian Roland: 7:26

why is that it's for attention, they get attention by doing that, and, and the spotlight is from over here, pushed right back over here in front of them, you know, and that, and that's what people, again, it's the pride and their ego. And when that gets bruised is when they won't forgive,

Dan Wheeler: 7:41

you have to let go of the need to see the other person suffer or to seek revenge. Some people just, they get that in their spirit. And they repeat that over and over, I'm going to make them pay,

Brian Roland: 7:53

you know, and they're not the ones that should be making them pay. And I think the Bible talks about that, too. You know, God's gonna, he's going to take care of it in his time, if you give it to him, and you let it go, and you forgive him, you take the upper hand there, you take the upper road, you know, and say, I'm taking the high road, I'm forgiving, and I'm going to clear it out, and it's not going to bother me anymore. I'm not going to have to lose sleep over it. But yet God's going to deal with it in his time against this person, or what, to this person that is unforgiving.

Dan Wheeler: 8:23

We're going to talk about the benefits of forgiveness near the end. But let's talk about the dangers of not forgiven of not forgiving. One, Terry, is that it evaporates your joy because no one is truly happy. Who has unforgiveness in their heart.

Terry Steen: 8:39

Right? Exactly. You could never have joy. And that's, you know, that's part of a fruit of the Holy Spirit. You know, so if you don't have that, that's part of it. There's bitterness and hatred that comes into play and the holding grudges, like we mentioned,

Dan Wheeler: 8:56

I was reading, Brian, that it actually can interfere with your prayer life, and that your prayers can go on answered and your blessings are on hold because you have unfinished business.

Brian Roland: 9:06

It's true. And you've guys were reading some scripture just before we came on, that says that God says that we have to forgive, to be forgiven, but with what's the go to? We want to go to him with a clean heart, and for not forgiving that we don't have a clean heart. And if we're not going to listen to what he's telling us to, to to forgive, why is he going to sit and listen to us and say, Listen, I'm going to answer your prayers. Now. While you aren't doing what I'm telling you to do. It's like the when they tell you when you're taking communion, what's communion supposed to do? You're supposed to reflect was to go back think about what's been going on in your life. Have you been living a godly life? Is there areas that you need to clean up there is their forgiveness involved before you're supposed to take communion? Because you're here we're partaking of the body of Jesus Christ. And that's what people a lot of people aren't doing.

Dan Wheeler: 9:58

It can actually weaken your body and make you physically sick? To hold on to all that stuff. And so

Terry Steen: 10:05

yeah, I was reading on that Dan just the other day and I listed some of the things it's can create headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems, heart attack stroke. I mean, it truly that anxiety can truly impact your physical body.

Dan Wheeler: 10:32

So it can, it's amazing. You know, it's, it's, it also can open the door for the enemy to work in your life. Because you know, the enemy loves that if we're not forgiving if we're holding a grudge. And he only wants to see that continue, right.

Terry Steen: 10:50

Yeah, yeah, I think that's why the Bible has so many examples of forgiveness through it. So if you, if you read the Bible at all, you cannot help but see that stream through it. I mean, Esau and Jacob, yet Joseph and his brothers, you had job with his friends, you had Hosea with his wife, and then the Father with His prodigal son, and Steven with the stoners and all with Mark, you could go on and on and on. And there's no better example than Jesus, what he's on the cross. And He said, Father, forgive them, they do not know what they do. Yeah. And they were still in the process of mocking him as he was dying. And he was still asking the Father to forgive them.

Dan Wheeler: 11:40

Second Corinthians 210 says, If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven if there was anything to forgive, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake. This is Paul writing, in order that Satan might not outwit us for we're not unaware of his schemes. And that brings us back to it opens the door for the enemy. Yeah, he just loves to go and take advantage, that type of situation. But I go back to what I started with Brian just referred to it in Matthew 614, and 15. I'm gonna read these are Jesus words, I'm reading from the New International Version. It says, For if you forgive men, when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive them in their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. That's why it's so dangerous not to forgive Brian, if you don't, you can't be forgiven.

Brian Roland: 12:38

That's true. When Terry was speaking to it came to my mind that when people will not forgive, and they're still there, they're saying, Well, how come God isn't here my prayers, they feel that way. But what happens? They quit pray, they cut back they stay a step away. Because all God's not listening to me. He's not watching over me. He's not he's not here around me is he's, some people will say, there's billions of people in the world. And guys listening to all their prayers, why is he listening to my, you know, why should he but a lot of it comes down to you have to have forgiveness in your heart. First, you have to forgive people. So you can open that door so that God forgives you. And then you have an open communication with them. I mean, Christ died on the cross so we can have an open communication and communion with God through Him. But if we're letting a roadblock, like forgiveness, come in there that's just making the devil dance. He's he's going to, he's going to use that to keep us getting us further and further and further away from Christ. Whereas we should be getting closer and closer and closer with our communion with God through Christ.

Dan Wheeler: 13:38

You agree with that? Terry?

Terry Steen: 13:39

Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Dan Wheeler: 13:41

Yeah. You know, Terry, you said a quote earlier. And I have that same quote, but she said it a little bit different. She said, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison, and then waiting for the rat to die. Annie Lamott, but it just, you know, it's time to let go. You know, the Bible says, Don't let the sun go down on your anger. And Beth and I used to live by that, you know, don't go to bed without saying you're sorry. Because you never know, if you're gonna wake up tomorrow.

Terry Steen: 14:14

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, as Christians, for us to accept and understand God's forgiveness, and how much he's done for us, and not be open, to forgive somebody else for some little petty thing that's not life giving their life taking. I read a quote that said, our ability to forgive others, is proportional to our understanding of how God's forgiven us. So when we put it in perspective like that, as much as God's done for us, when we realize that and we forgive someone that hurts us and we follow Christ's example, it's a healing to our body. It's a Healing to our soul, like we just talked about the joy can be returned. We can finish strong.

Dan Wheeler: 15:08

Amen. And Brian, there's a lot we're going to talk about the benefits of forgiveness, freedom and peace and happiness, but freedom, you can be free from holding that grudge.

Brian Roland: 15:19

That's the biggest thing, I think, because a funeral have freedom in your life and in your feeling and in your worship towards God. And to God, you're bound, you're bound. It's like somebody's got that chains wrapped around you. And the freedom is the big thing. When you forgive. When you let that go. You can feel the changes drop frame, a different attitude that you have yourself, because you forget, forgive somebody truly forgive somebody, I mean, not just okay, I forgive them, then you don't, I mean, truly forgive somebody and say, Okay, that's in the past, I'm also caring more about that, let that go. And you can be with this person. And a lot of times a person want to, they want to come back at you unless even if you forgive them, then when you show the true love of Christ in your life, because you have honestly forgiven them, that's freedom. And you have that freedom and you and you're sleeping at night, they're not. You're the one that doesn't have digestive problems they do. You know, I'll come back to that.

Dan Wheeler: 16:16

Right. There are people that said, Well, I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget. Right. And I think we need to forget, we need to learn to forget, in that case.

Terry Steen: 16:27

Yeah, to follow up on what Brian was saying, here's the litmus test that I use. And I've talked to other people about. And I'm asking

Dan Wheeler: 16:35

you look up litmus real quick. Yeah, go ahead. That's a big word, Terry. That's cartoon. A line has?

Terry Steen: 16:44

No, it wasn't I said that with a list. That was a different word. Anyhow, where was I? So here's, here's what I asked people. Is there anybody that you can think of that if you were walking down the sidewalk? And they came walking the other way? Would you freeze and feel like you needed to turn around, go into another store, and not be willing to face to face them would not be willing to interact with them? And if you can't do that, then there could be something there. If I was

Dan Wheeler: 17:24

asked, girlfriends or the many?

Terry Steen: 17:29

Well, Dan may be lining up for you. But when you think about that, if someone asks you the question, if somebody immediately if you have to think the long time, then you're doing pretty good. But if somebody immediately comes to your mind, bingo, you

Dan Wheeler: 17:50

better go ask their forgiveness or tell them you forgive them. I've got this great quote about the freedom of forgiveness, before we move on to peace and happiness that says, When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person of condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. get unstuck. That's by Catherine Ponder, boy, is that true, though? The only way to get rid of that link, you're bound to them because of that unforgiveness. And because that resentment, and forgiveness is the only way to truly be free.

Terry Steen: 18:33

That's yeah, that's true.

Brian Roland: 18:35

But you know, what Terry said before to, is that a newer sound and about about forgetting the same thing that Jesus did, when we accept them into our life. He forgives us any forgets, the sins are gone, they're past. If you if you're going that day, you're standing before. And if he's looking in the in the book of life, his book a life, he's not going to see anything there because you've been forgiven, it's clean, the slate is clean, it's forgotten. And that's what people have to realize that they have to do, too. We have to forgive and forget what has been done, and just move on.

Terry Steen: 19:09

Yeah, this makes me realize, as we're talking, Dan, that I need to make a confession. Back in college, in that net night class that we had, when we're I know it's sitting there we had an assignment to do and we did it and we come in the next class and the teachers getting ready to say, anybody, would anybody like to read what they've written so we can talk about it and the teacher was looking at Dan, and Dan goes, Terry does. And the teacher shirt now said, Oh, Terry, could you please read?

Unknown: 19:51

Terry did not have something prepared. Was he read then?

Terry Steen: 19:56

That was not good. Before you

Dan Wheeler: 19:59

forgive me? Can I to say I'm really sincerely sick. Yeah, you

Terry Steen: 20:06

really I can tell. You know, I was almost to the point of forgiving you but rest I'm sorry, I

Brian Roland: 20:14

didn't forget it.

Dan Wheeler: 20:16

Brian is making me laugh. But I'm sincerely sorry, Terry.

Terry Steen: 20:21

That's better. And I don't believe you now.

Dan Wheeler: 20:26

Yeah. Oh, boy, I don't even remember I was trying to look up, you know, the verse that says as far as the east is from the west, He forgives our sins. Yeah, I'll, I'll find it here. Oh, it's Psalm 103 12 103 12. Let me read that for you real quick. Because people say I forgive you. But I can't forget. He says, As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us? So he does forget that saying, you know, you know, I'll forgive you. But I won't forget. That's wrong. And that's not what God wants us to do. You know, we don't have a lot of time. But there's, there's a piece that comes we talked about freedom of forgiveness, a piece, when you finally laid that burden to rest, and you don't have to avoid that person that's walking towards you. That might be you you don't want to see freedom and peace those two right there, you know, Brian, peace to sleep at night. Not worrying about that unforgiveness or that person that you can't forgive.

Brian Roland: 21:36

No, what I was what I was saying, if you forgiven somebody and forgot, forgotten it, let it go. You're the one that can sleep. And it's true. How many people do you know that they can asleep and they tossing and they're just trying to figure out but they know that they're holding a grudge on someone, they have someone that has done them wrong, and they will not forgive them. But yet, they're being torn up internally, as you can see in the air actions. And like you said that their digestion system screwed up. And, and they who's coming in with headaches every day, you notice your work, you see people like this and go, Oh, man, there is something going on. I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I can't eat right and get to this well, there's always a root to all evil. And that's evil, as far as I'm concerned, not being able to forgive somebody. And the root of that is inside of them. They have to let it go. They have to be willing to forgive, be willing to forgive. I think they're on top of that, though. They have Christ in her life. When you when they accept Christ in their life. If they don't want to forgive right then, you know, then that didn't take their word since sincere, because they should be he gets such a feeling of cleanliness, setting Christ in your life, that you want to keep that and you want to forgive as he's forgiven you. Right? And he wants it across for you. He died for you. And how are we willing to die for other people just because of their forgiveness? You know, you got

Dan Wheeler: 23:03

in Matthew 1820 21 and 22 Peter S Jesus, how often should we forgive our brothers seven times? Jesus said, Not till seven times, but 70 times seven. And that's hard. When you think you keep forgiving someone, and you have to keep forgiving someone. But it's what he says.

Terry Steen: 23:20

Yeah. And for me, the bottom line is, if the Bible says it's to be done, it's a commandment. And if we don't do it, it's a sin. Right? And if there's sin in our life, then the Holy Spirit and God doesn't dwell we're sin is. So if we don't forgive, we can't have that peace and joy, because that's a fruit of the Holy Spirit. So it's a real simple equation. We just have to get it figured out.

Brian Roland: 23:45

I think then what that verse means to though is that you're forgiving and that they may not be forgiving you but you just keep forgiving. You just use let it go it just let it go. Right because they're the ones that are living with that pain are the ones that's bearing all that guilt.

Dan Wheeler: 24:01

Yeah, happiness replace the anger and the hurt with joy. Here's a quote forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you, means more to you than the wrong they have dolt. I like that quote that's by a Ben green Hall. And remember, Paul boost said this forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. It opens up the doorway for you to establish reestablish that friendship saw the benefits of forgiveness, freedom, peace, happiness, obstacles to forgiveness, you have to release the guilt of your unforgiveness release the part of you that wants to stay the victim let go of the need to see the other person suffer and seek revenge and remember, if you don't forgive, it can evaporate your joy. It interferes with your prayer life and weakens your body. Who do you need to forgive guys? I would say don't wait. Do it now. Don't let the sun hunkered down on your anger as the Bible tells us in Ephesians. Yes,

Terry Steen: 25:05

if we want to finish strong, we have to clear that unforgiveness out of our life. So we can have that pure relationship with Christ. For sure.

Brian Roland: 25:15

You know, we're in Proverbs 17 Nine it tells us love prospers when a fault is forgiven. dwelling on it separates close friends. Wow. And then in Proverbs 1012 It says hatred stirs all quarrels, but love overlooks insults. I like it. Love is tied together, like you know hand in glove with forgiveness.

Dan Wheeler: 25:35

How would you feel if that person that you haven't forgiven or who hasn't forgiven you would die? How would you find out? How would you feel if you found that out? And you never got it? Right. Remember, God can't forgive you. If you don't forgive others. Go with that today. Forgive and forget. We are so glad you joined us for this edition of finish strong and we hope you'll join us next time God bless everybody.

John Matarazzo: 26:05

Thank you for listening to finish strong. For more information about finish strong and fearless faith. Check out their website eth faith.org. Make sure that you rate and review this podcast to help more people accomplish their God given purpose so that together we can finish strong